Friday, October 21, 2011

Doing work-- I can deal with that.

Today was my first day working out with Malissa. As I'd said elsewhere, I was really kinda dreading it, because I didn't want to put up with more drama about Weight Watchers. Luckily, not much was said. She started asking me about what I eat, which provided me a wonderful opportunity to explain that for the most part, I don't eat the Weight Watchers branded convenience foods (she's really hung up on the sugar in the blueberry muffins, for example. And I honestly can't tell you for sure the last time I ate one of their muffins, because they're expensive and they go bad quickly, and I'm just not that much of a muffin girl) and that we actually cook. Also got to mention that I haven't actually bought white pasta since 2005, and that when we go to olive garden, we get whole wheat spaghetti and split the lunch portion. Am I finally making progress here?! LOL

Anyway, for the actual training, we did intervals on the treadmill. She called them sprints... IDK. Why not just call them intervals. She was actually quite impressed by how much she had to jack up the incline on the treadmill to get my heart rate up, and said that apparently all the cardio I'd been doing had done a great job of getting me conditioned. (I resisted the urge to say "Well, DUH!" LOL) Our "sprints" were at either an incline of 10 (which is like walking straight up a mountain) or jogging for 25/30 seconds. Good deal-- I was covered in sweat by the time we got done.

She's very into that being in your target heart rate for fat burning thing. I don't know what to think, because I've read some very reliable sources that say it's complete BS, and burning calories is burning calories, and it's all going to even out. Then I've read other sources that say it's important, because otherwise you're burning the carbs you've eaten, and not the fat on your body. IDK. I'm personally of the opinion that burning calories is good, period, and no cardio is "wasted" just because it wasn't done in your "fat burning zone".

Then I came home and did 30 minutes of my own interval training, and after that I did the Jillian Michaels Frontside for Beginners DVD. Yay me.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Grr. Don't know why I'm dwelling on it... but I am, so here comes a rant.

As I said on Twitter yesterday, and as I've whined to Mom several times, I hate it when people listen, but don't actually hear me.

I'm sorry you're not familiar with the Weight Watchers program. I'm sorry you don't realize that yes, it's important to look at calories, but it's also important to look at what those calories are made up of, and that's the whole premise of PointsPlus-- if you're eating things that are higher in fiber and protein, they're going to be lower in points, because they're better for you. If you're eating something that's primarily carbs and doesn't have any other sort of good nutrtional value, it's going to be higher in points because it's not as good for you.

Don't talk to me about the evils of white bread and white pasta. I haven't eaten white pasta in over 6 years!!!! I ALWAYS buy organic whole wheat pasta, and guess what? When I go to Olive Garden, I order whole wheat there, too. We don't buy white bread for the house-- the only time I eat white bread is when I'm out, and I've gotten to the point that I rarely get something that involves bread. We've bought nothing but whole grain flour tortillas since about this time last year. And while I am about to eat some mashed potatoes, I'm also going to eat a portioned out amount of them.

That's great that you've got a calorie counter that you can look up the Weight Watchers Smart Ones and get it "graded" based on nutrients... but when I tell you I don't eat them, I'm not lying. The last one I had was 3 months ago, and I ate less than half of it and threw it away because it was nasty. I don't eat them (other than the fact that they all taste the same) because they're FULL of sodium, and granted while I'm sure WW corporate wouldn't like it, we've all talked about that more than once in meetings.

When I tell you that I'm down from drinking 7 or 8 cans of Coke a day (or more) from this time last year, and that now I drink one or (usually) less than one, that's not a lie, either. I'm sorry you think soda is the devil, but I love Coke, and I can handle having one on a normal day. I don't intend to give it up. I've said more than once that if I ever was diagnosed diabetic, I'd STILL be drinking my one Coke a day, because dammit, my Coke makes me happy.

You're telling me about how when I eat X, Y, and Z, instead of A, B, and C, I'll get to the point where when I do try to eat A, B, and C again, it'll make me feel horrible... guess what? I already know that. I've been doing this for 10 months now. I've made a lifestyle change. And once or twice, I've had a small period of time I stepped out and ate a bunch of crap, and it made me feel like shit. I know this already.

I know you guys are probably used to dealing with people who don't have any nutritional knowledge at all, but believe me, I know this stuff. I'm well-educated about nutrition, even if I didn't always put what I knew into practice. I realize it may be strange to be talking to someone who's my size who actually KNOWS this stuff, but please don't act like I don't know it. Please don't talk to me like I lack the knowledge that I'm going to need more protein for weight training. Guess what? I actually DO know how you build muscle. Please don't talk to me like I don't understand the need to eat every couple hours to keep your blood sugar levels even-- I actually do know this, and guess what? Weight Watchers teaches this too.

I'm sorry that you've known people who've done Weight Watchers and then started gaining their weight back once they got to goal/quit counting points. It's not my fault, nor is it the program's fault that these people you're talking about treated Weight Watchers as a diet and not as a catalyst for a lifestyle change. And that will happen with any "diet", including your lovely little "change your metabolism" plan there.

And your little machine that gives you all this information about my body, including my body water? It doesn't matter how much water I drink, the body water level's probably going to always be low because my blood pressure medication is a combination beta blocker and diuretic. I'm not lying when I say I burn through 5 or more 16oz bottles of water a day.

I just... urgh. The essay that you guys supposedly read and made you cry... I'd think you'd understand from reading it that I know this nutritional stuff, and how irritating it is to be talked to like you don't know anything because you're overweight.

76.6 pounds says I actually do know something. Just sayin'.

I'm sure things will improve, but right now I'm asking wtf did I get myself into?

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Uh... WHUT exactly is going on here?

Cue the voice in my head at about 10:03am this morning. My appointment with the trainer was at 10am. At 10am, she's still... doing whatever she was doing when I walked in and sat down to wait, and the younger trainer (Michelle) called me over to look at something on the computer (a calorie counting website/app-- UHHHHH.... listen. I've lost 76.6 pounds with Weight Watchers, and I've learned to eat healthily, eat foods I enjoy, not stuff myself, and keep up with what I'm eating. I'll be sticking with what works and what more than one doctor has recommended to me) At any rate... she and I talk for a while (and I'm a talker, kinda, but this chick REALLY is. LOL) and I'm thinking to myself, damn, it's nearly 10:30, thought I was supposed to be with the trainer at 10am. So she finds Malissa, and I guess she has a client at that moment... (and I'm thinking, uh... okay? *confused face*) Anyway, Michelle ends up working out with me. Has me do a 10 minute warmup on the treadmill, then do some circuit training. It really wasn't bad. I even talked myself into a heavier medicine ball for part of the circuit training. LOL

So I'm supposed to work out with Malissa on Friday, and then I'll be with Michelle a while starting next week. I'm actually looking forward to working out with her. Malissa's nice and all, but... eh. Michelle seems to understand that it's important that if you really want a food, to have a little of it, because otherwise you're going to end up eating everything around you... and then probably still eat what you were craving.

Monday, October 17, 2011

1st session with the trainer-- the details

Okay, so it's going to be 3 times a week at 10am, for 30 minutes. This is fine. I can do that.

Today's meeting was basically weighing, getting all sorts of body information from their fancy Ironman scale thingie, and nutrition.

Proud to report I actually have good bone mass, and my muscle mass is decent.

The nutrition aspect... urgh. What to say? I think the bottom line was she's willing to let me stick with Weight Watchers, since I've obviously proven it works. She wants me to try her nutrition suggestion for 10 days though. Blah blah, it'll jumpstart your metabolism, etc, etc. Basically, think of any sort of diet you've seen where you eat almost nothing, and you eat the exact same damn thing for 10 days, and you have this diet plan. See below.

Breakfast-- Protein meal replacement shake w/ skim milk (I asked about almond milk, and she said that would be even better)
Snack-- 4-6oz lowfat/nonfat yogurt with granola (fiber one yogurt, bc it has the lowest sugar. 1/4 cup granola)
Lunch-- Tuna sandwich on whole wheat (4oz of tuna in water, 100% whole wheat bread), apple
Snack-- Protein bar with at least 10g of protein (suggestions are Atkins and Pure Protein)
Dinner-- Chicken breast-- baked broiled or grilled (4oz), Sweet potato (medium), Green beans (1 cup)
Water with all meals and snacks.

Thoughts: The protein mix doesn't say it's for meal replacement, and I know from experience that drinking nothing but a shake for breakfast will leave me tummy rumbling LONG before snack time. I have no interest in putting granola in my yogurt, and I've become a big fan of Greek yogurt because of the protein and the lack of fat-- no interest in eating yogurt that's gonna have aspartame in it. Tuna... yuck. Enough said. A snack of a protein bar? Uh... have you guys ever eaten one of these things? They are HORRIBLE. Plus I can feel my colon clogging up just thinking about eating one of those every day for 10 days. The dinner wouldn't be so bad, were it not for the fact that a) I weigh my sweet potatoes and go by ounces, not the whole small/medium/large thing, and b) I HATE GREEN BEANS!!!!!

Their machine calculated my BMR as being 1999, so the idea is to undercut that... um... whut? First of all, I would almost put my hand on a Bible and swear my BMR is more than that. That might be what my BMR would be were I not right at/just shy of 300 pounds, but.. nope. I just figured it on a calculator, and it says my BMR is 2115. Thought so. I understand taking your BMR and subtracting 500 calories to come up with a loss each week, but that's not taking into account working out, and let's be honest-- if you're working out more, your body needs more calories to maintain. Urgh. Whatever.

All I know is life's too short to eat tuna fish for lunch every day for 10 days. Also, if you eat this for 10 days, and then eat normal food again after the 10th day, I don't see that helping your metabolism.

Then she goes on and tells me that the main goals here are: 1) Shift metabolism, 2) Portion control, 3) Eat for life (eating in a way you can do for the rest of your life)

I can see that you might accomplish the first one with this 10 day thing, but the other two, especially number 3? Nope. And the thing about it is, I've already got the last two, and to an extent the first one, down. I measure everything. I eat so much healthier than I used to. When I do go out to eat, I get what I enjoy, but I also don't stuff myself. I'm sorry, but again... life is way too short to eat horrible stuff, be that horribly bad for you, or food that tastes like cardboard.

And the thing that I know, that the trainer doesn't (because she freely admits she's not that familiar with the program), is that Weight Watchers takes into account your caloric needs and nutritional needs... and they also encourage you to have those nutrients that you NEED.

IDK. I just wanted to be all "Hey, I've done the 75.4 pounds (plus the 12 I lost before I started WW this last time) on my own, with the Weight Watchers program. I think I'm GOOD on nutrtion. Please just stick to the actual training." LOL I didn't, though. I was good. Lots of nodding. LOL

I told her it would be at least next week, if not the week after before I could try the 10 day thing because I'd have to wait on the grocery money. Which is true, considering we don't have tuna sitting around, or granola, or yogurt (other than my Greek yogurt w honey)... but I'm also hoping that by then I'll be working with the other trainer, and Malissa won't have a chance to see if I'm doing the 10 day thing. LOL Sneaky!

And I don't mean to sound like I'm bitching about the whole opportunity. I'm very grateful, I just think I probably know a little more about nutrition than her average client, even if I don't necessarily look that way.

Sometimes I feel like people hear me, but they don't actually listen.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

So disregard the whining in that last post...

because I got a call from the trainer this morning! The decision was unanimous-- all of the trainers wanted me for the contest :)

She said that my essay even had them wiping away tears. (I guess you can see for yourself about the essay-- it's over here)

At any rate, I meet with her on Monday at 9am to set up all the particulars. I'm excited and nervous and SO ready to get started.

Oh, and I'm doing the TXK Race for the Cure on Saturday. I'll be walking it, and I just want to finish it. I mean, I know I can walk 5K without any problems on a treadmill. Doing it outside, with other people, is going to be a new little adventure.

Monday, October 10, 2011

I could have sworn... am I losing my mind?

Okay, so the Extreme Makeover contest at the gym? I know you were supposed to have your entry and your essay in by October 7th. And I could have SWORN the trainer told me they were planning to start on October 8th.

Even though I wrote what I felt like was an awesome essay-- I pretty much laid myself naked, emotionally-speaking and was as honest as possible, I'm really not expecting them to pick me. So when the phone didn't ring and I didn't get an email yesterday, I thought "oh well." Then tonight when I got to the gym, I discovered there's signs up, that I don't remember seeing before, that talk about turning in applications, and no deadline is listed, but it says they'll start on October 15th.

I'm very WTFy over this. I don't know if these signs have been up the entire time, and I just didn't notice them (because I hardly go look at the bulletin board, because the same three or four pieces of paper are always on it, and I don't go in the bathroom much because I'd rather rush home and potty/shower) or if they decided they didn't have enough/a good enough entry, so they'd solicit for more. Um... if that's it, I'm insulted.

When the trainer first talked to me about it, she said they'd only had two entries.

I just hope they don't pick someone who only needs to lose like, 30 pounds. I know that's mean of me, but I think that would be disingenious-- don't call it an "extreme" makeover if it's not.

I was pretty honest about the fact that I'd lost nearly 70 pounds on my own (now almost 75) and I hope that isn't held against me, since one of the questions that they wanted answered was "why to this day have you not been able to lose weight on your own". After what I've experienced this year, after years of saying I was trying to lose weight and making half-hearted attempts, I've come to realize that the reason people can't lose weight is because they don't really want to. And I said that in my essay.

*sighs* I dunno. I just hope they're gonna announce who they've picked before Saturday.

Also, if they do pick me, they'll just have to deal with me being unavailable Saturday morning, because I'm not giving up doing Race for the Cure.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Always someone there to knock you back down...

I really try not to let it bother me when people give me THOSE looks or when I see people glance my way, then whisper or laugh. I try not to. God knows I should be used to it by now.

And it's not the first time I've had a little kid say something rude about me.

But it was the first time I've had a someone say something (loudly) since I've put in all the effort and work I have to lose 70+ pounds.

I'm standing in the local Walmart, in the lingerie section, picking out some sports bras. I've got the ones I want, and we're about to leave, when I get distracted by something purple and lacy. I've reached out to touch it, and from about 10 feet behind me, I hear the loud voice of a little kid exclaim "WOW MOMMY LOOK AT HER ARMS! LOOK AT HER ARMS! THEY'RE HUGE!!!!!!!" And my heart just drops to the floor. I really want to pretend I didn't hear that. I want to just ignore it, but it just hurts too damn much, and all I can think is that sometime in the next few years, there's going to be some chubby little girl in this kid's preschool or kindergarten class, and he's going to have something mean to say to her, too.

So I turn around, and say loudly, "Wow, your kid is REALLY rude." She gets that deer in the headlights look, and I repeat what the kid said. Then she starts in with "Oh, he didn't mean anything mean by it. He's really into wrestling, and..." Then the dad walks up and is like "He's three." And he keeps repeating that, like it's okay for a child to say anything they want because they're little. I said I really didn't care how old he was, it was rude and mean, and all they really had to do was say "I'm sorry," and then explain to the kid that it's not nice to say mean things about other people. The Dad's all "I'm so tired of other people telling me how to raise my kid!" Dude, I'm not telling you how to raise your kid! I'm telling you how to be a decent human being! (After we left, Mom tells me who they were-- sister of the lady who runs the beauty shop I used to go to. She works there too, or did. Really "churchy" people, which in my opinion makes it worse) So, finally, the parents get the hint and say they're sorry (while STILL making excuses about the kid loving wrestling and only being three) and the dad says to me "Have a nice day." Are you freaking kidding me? Your kid just made me feel like a piece of dirt, the two of you made it 10 times worse, and you're telling me to have a nice day? The minute I was out of their line of sight I was crying. And I cried my way through the checkout. Cried more on the way home. And now I'm in my car on a dead end street, listening to cds and, you guessed it, crying.

As I told Mom, this is why I don't go to church here. It's why I don't like to go places by myself. At least if someone's with me, then maybe I'm distracted enough that I don't notice the looks or the comments.