Monday, December 19, 2011

A few other things I've been wanting to scream.

I know I've kept most of this over on LJ and Twitter, but I have one or two other things that I just wanted to put down on paper (or the computer screen) and I'm sure people are sick of listening to me bitch about this, but it's like I said over there: once a thought gets into my head, especially a painful one, it won't go away. So here we go.

I like Michele. I do. And I DEFINITELY prefer her over Malissa.

But. (you knew there was one coming)

But no, no you don't understand. You may have known for a finite amount of time what it felt like to be so heavy that your knees ached and you didn't feel like doing anything, but no, that doesn't entitle you to say you understand to someone who has been obese their entire life. The only person who can understand what that's like is another person who's been obese most of their life, and has experienced everything that goes along with that. Gaining a shitload of weight with/after your pregnancy because your hormones are messed up does NOT equate with being obese because you've used food to cope with the bad moments in your life. Do you know why it doesn't? Because the minute they got your hormonal situation straightened out, the weight dropped off. And yeah, you may have had to work at it a little bit, but not to the extent that a person who doesn't have some sort of hormonal issue that needs to be fixed will have to work to get it off. How do I know that? Because I know people who've had hormone problems, gained weight because of it, then gotten pills that straightened out those problems, and the weight dropped off. It's not the same thing. You weren't heavy enough to know what it's like to have your life severly limited by your size. You had a REASON for being as heavy as you were, and I know you didn't have the experience of going to a doctor with a sore throat or ear, and being told you needed to lose weight. I highly doubt you had the experience of having a kid call you fat in the middle of a crowded store, and if you did, I know it hasn't happened multiple times to you.

I don't really know what to believe as far as how much weight you gained when you had your hormonal issue, because when you first told me you said 80 pounds, yet Friday you said 150. I'm more inclined to believe 80 or less. What I do know is, you have no sagging skin, and no visible stretch marks when you're in shorts and a t-shirt, and that makes me highly skeptical.

So no, don't tell me you get it when you don't.

Malissa's a whole 'nother story, and frankly, I really wanted to either a) walk out of the office Friday and not look back, or b) punch her in her fucking face. I get it. You want me to quit Weight Watchers and follow your stupid diet that doesn't really look all that healthy (and that regardless of what you or Michele might tell me, there is no way in hell any compotent doctor would give that to a diabetic patient-- WAY too much protein on it for that), and count calories and fat and carbs and sugar and this and that. When I tell you I've tried that before, and it doesn't work for me because I get frustrated and quit, that ought to tell you something. You say you were a nurse, which means I know you've heard this more than once: no one know's the patient's body better than the patient his/herself. If I tell you I've tried things, and they don't work for me, don't act like just because you're a new person suggesting it that it's going to work. If I tell you that Weight Watchers works for me, that for the first time in my life I'm eating healthier than ever, and that I'm eating reasonable portions and not feeling GUILTY for eating or feeling deprived, maybe that should say something to you. I know I haven't mentioned it yet, but if it gets brought up again, I will-- Weight Watchers was suggested to me by BOTH doctors I see. And the one that I saw after two months on the program was VERY impressed with my results with them and told me to keep it up. Don't you DARE tell me I won't be able to continue eating the way I am (basically, two white hot dog buns-- a twice a year thing-- and a weekly kids meal from Chickfila, and less than 6 ounces of coke a day) and lose weight/keep it off. I can give you a VERY long list of people Weight Watchers has worked for. I'm pretty sure your list of people who've had lasting success with your little diet plan will be much shorter, since it is NOT something a person can stick with for life.

I'm just about over it. I know the food component of things will come back up. When it does (assuming it comes up before I have a chance to go see either/both of my docs and mention all this bullshit, and see if one of them is willing to call/email and tell them to back the fuck off) I'm going to lay it out like this: Look, I'm not quitting Weight Watchers. I'm sorry you don't know enough about it and don't seem inclined to want to learn enough about it to know it works and that it's a lifestyle, not just a diet, but I was very clear in my essay that I was successful with it, and I was upfront with you that I had no interest in quitting it. You may think I'm being stupid or not holding up my end of our agreement; I don't see it that way. I'm standing up for myself, which I wouldn't have had the courage to do a year ago. You can either respect that I'm staying with Weight Watchers and doing that for the nutrition component, and I'll do what y'all want as far as exercise/training, or we can seriously re-evaluate my participation in this contest/makeover, because saving the price of a gym membership is NOT worth sacrificing my mental and emotional health.